Story of my life......

I remember a time when I only had one pair of shoes. One pair to go wherever I had to go. Those were some loyal shoes. I wore them until they died. That was not too long ago, but it seems like a lifetime ago.

I remember when I was skinny. But back then I already had the cemented thought that I was not pretty enough. Now I know that I am beautiful. Made by God, I am precious. But if only I can loose a few more pounds....


You see, we are never truly satisfied. We always have something else we want or need. Is anyone ever really happy? We smile with our friends and family. We hang out and get together. But are we happy?

I fear I have no idea what true happiness is and I fear I might die without knowing.
Life is unfair, ramblings of our elders. Trying to explain why this happened to you.

I go to church, I treat people right. I help those in need. I work my tail off. I studied to earn all of my degrees. So, why me?

No one seems to have the answer to this question.

I am not about to give up. I have worked way to hard to get here. I can't allow my dreams, my goals, my emotions, my body to die. I can't die without fulfilling my purpose.

I will not rest my beautiful soul just yet. I will straighten my crown and press on. I believe my happiness is out there. I WILL find it. I will NEVER give up.

Soul cry

NOTHING I HAVE BEEN THROUGH WILL BE WASTED!!!

It's been a very long road for me. Sometimes I think I have experienced enough to last me two lifetimes.

I have grown weary. I am tired.

BUT I WILL NEVER GIVE UP.

There are days I struggle to do anything.

BUT I WILL NEVER GIVE UP.

There are days the tears flow faster than I can dry them.

BUT I WILL NEVER GIVE UP.

There are days I can barely keep it together.

BUT I WILL NEVER GIVE UP.

I can't give up!

I have endured too much to just give up now.

My soul screams like a warrior within me

I WILL NEVER GIVE UP!

"Lord, lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever you may call me "

I will be still and know YOU ARE GOD!

Why I worship...

I grew up in church from a very tender age. My life was centered around Jesus Christ.

I cannot and will not hide the fact that I serve Jesus with all of my heart and I try to be the best person that I can be.

I have always had visions of leading the congregation into worship and seeing great miracles taking place through the power of the Holy Spirit.

I grew up watching my older sister do worship, I admired her so much. I wanted to be like her.

Finally, I am at a place in my Christian life where my walk with Jesus Christ has brought me to be the worship leader at my church .

Recently, I had someone mention to me that what I had been through with depression and anxiety was not real. They said it was a spirit. I would not dispute the fact that the devil tries to attack us as Christians in various ways.

But I also won't be the type of Christian who acts like they're perfect and nothing is ever wrong with them. Depression is as real as any other disease. And YES God is able to heal any disease.

I am not perfect. I am just a human. I NEED Jesus in my life. If everything was perfect I wouldn't need him. We all as human beings have trials and crosses to bear in different ways.

I don't worship because I can carry a tune in the right key. I worship because I want to scream to the world what Jesus has done for me. I know where I have been. Thank God for bringing me to this present place and time.

I look forward for all of my tomorrows. With Jesus by my side, I can do anything.

If you are a Christian facing a difficult situation, whatever it may be.  Not everyone is going to understand you. Not everyone will take your issues seriously. But Jesus knows all that concerns us. He will NEVER leave us or forsake us.

Stay focused and watch God work on your behalf. He said "Be still and know that I am GOD."

I will trust in my God. He never fails. No matter what comes my way, no matter what people say to me or about me. I know who I am in Jesus Christ.

Have faith and remember.. this to shall pass.

Thank you for reading.
Until next time,
Be KIND .

Dear Self...

Dear self,
I wanted to take a moment to wish you a happy new year. But there are also a few other things I would like you to know.

For as long as I can remember, you have been sad. I see you smiling and laughing but I know deep inside you are hurting. I know that deep inside there is an overwhelming sadness that hits you unexpectedly and it brings you to your knees.

I have been watching you and praying for you to be alright. I am so happy to see that the dark cloud has gotten smaller. I am so happy that you are a little stronger.


 I love you more than you can imagine. I love you when you're happy. I love you when you feel sad. I love you when you feel hopeless and lost. And I will continue to love you.

Sometimes you question your life and your accomplishments. Never doubt how intelligent and beautiful you are. You have worked very hard for your accomplishments. Never let anyone make you feel inferior or out of place.

I see your tears and I have heard you cry. I want you to know that I am always trying to keep your head above the water. And anytime you feel you can't go on. Just remember to whom you belong.

Thank you Jesus for all you have done, all you are doing and for all you will do in my life. I could never have made it this far without you.

I am proud of myself. I am proud of my bravery. I am proud because I know what I am capable of doing through the grace of God.

Depression is not me. And I am not depression. I am a daughter, sister, friend. I am a registered nurse, writer, blogger, DIYer. I am a SURVIVOR.

Whatever you are facing today. Whatever storm may be in your life today. Everything will be alright. God is in control of your situation. Don't let fear consume you. You are not a disease. You are not defined by where you live, what you wear or who you know.

You are a designer's original. One of a kind. Remember God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. He will NEVER give us more than we can handle.

Thank you so much for reading. I love you and Jesus loves you more.

Until next time
Be KIND.

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God bless you.

Hello Happiness !!!

Well, here we are. It's almost Christmas 2018. Did anything change from last Christmas? Absolutely! I have learned a lot over the past year. And so much has changed.

I think I have a better understanding of myself. I know what I want and what I deserve. And I can let go of things and people that make me feel like an afterthought.

I am grateful for my family. I am grateful for a restored friendship. I am grateful for the place I am at in my Christian life.

I have learned that I don't need some of the things I thought I needed to be happy. I am truly blessed.

• Now don't get it twisted, my depression is very much present. I still have days when I have to fight to make it through. But I hold fast to my faith in God, my family and my friends. 

I am learning to live with it and not let it consume me. It is a part of me. It is NOT the only part of me. It does not define me. I am more than depression and anxiety.

I think for the first time, I am exactly where I need to be, this feels like home. It can only get better from here.

I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to all my blog subscribers for not posting for the past few months. I will try my best to post regularly in the new year.

I would also like to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and a bright and prosperous 2019.
Think positive thoughts. No matter what you're facing today, have faith. I love you .

Thank you for reading. If you haven't subscribed to my blog, please do so you won't miss anything I share. Also, follow me on Instagram and Twitter.

Until next time,
BE KIND.

No one really cares.

Sometimes people wonder why I am so quiet.  It's not that I don't have anything to say, I'd much rather observe those around me. 

It's amazing what you can learn by just observing. When you can look pass the lies, the aggression, the "show off" and see something not everyone else can see. 

I actually have alot to say but I have learned the hard way that not everyone really cares about your opinions. Some people just wanna hear what you say then they misquote you or judge you, and some simply ignore you. 

The past month has been very challenging for me. From security breaches, to my mom's best friend passing away, to dealing with argumentative people who are apparently never wrong. 

I had my plate over flowing. This definitely took a toll on me mentally. I started having regular panic attacks. My depression was resurfacing and those mood swings were off the charts.

I found myself wanting to curl up into a ball and cry. It took a lot of praying and a lot of progressive muscle relaxation techniques to calm down . I am still struggling with the back end of this but I am hopeful.

One thing I have learned throughout this ordeal is that no one really cares. They either wanna know  your business to talk about you or to throw it in your face later. 

I realized that I can trust in God and take my problems to him, I can certainly trust my therapist thanks to a confidentiality clause. And I know I can always talk to my mom. 

Sometimes we feel alone, like there is no one to turn too. There is always one person that God will place in your life who will be there for you .

Don't be discouraged today, have faith that everything will work out like it's supposed to. God is great. Remember Jesus loves you .

Thank you for reading the ramblings of my over analytical mind. Until next time, be kind.

Latoya.

Are you crazy ?!?

A man came to our home last night. Though he is technically related to me, he is not someone  who has been in my life.

Nevertheless this guy came to my house and began asking a million questions about my life.

He began questioning our choices, such as our choice to go to church and to serve God. Our choice to be women of virtue rather than $2 whores.

I stood in awe as this person tried to criticize every area of my life and even tried to insult my intelligence and my physical features.

You know what I realized.... I am a child of God. I know who I am. Many years ago I felt very lost and confused but now I know who I am. I am not afraid or ashamed to stand up for myself and for others.

 I  still find it difficult at times to hold my tongue, but I see improvement. So I thank God for these tests, because they show me that I have grown and matured.

It is never easy having someone criticize you to your face. But I have learnt how to tactfully put them in their place.

Thank you Jesus for the strength and the motivation you have given me.

Keep it coming haters. God will continue to bless me the more you curse me and hate me.

I feel blessed, motivated and inspired today.

God is great.
Thank you for reading.
Until next time,
BE KIND.