Who will advocate for the nurses?

I sat in the front passenger seat as I was being driven to my destination. I was looking out the car window at the people. Some in their cars, some in their yards, others waiting for transportation. One thing crossed my mind as I watched these people. I wanted to know their story. Why were they out today? What was their home life like? Were they happy? Did they have the money they needed to pay their bills? 

So many people walk around depressed and frustrated, carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders.  I know I did before I decided to ask for help. 

This brings an old saying to mind "you can't judge a book by its cover".

When law enforcement officers are involved in a shooting incident, they are offered emotional support in the form of a department therapist. As a registered nurse, we see people on some of the worst days of their lives. We see body parts missing, we see gunshot injuries, we deal with dead bodies, we see people who tried to take their own lives, we see it all yet we do not flinch. 

Some people may say we knew what we signed up for. Of course, I won't dispute that fact. But just like being on the front lines of a war. Nurses and doctors are on the front lines of our hospitals, but when the emergency is over and when the screaming stops. Who is there to offer us a listening ear? 

Nurses in Trinidad and Tobago, we have NO ONE!

I can't speak for other countries. But I can tell you, I have had many days where I felt like I didn't know myself anymore. We are trained to deal with the life-threatening situation. We throw all our emotions out the window. We have to be a mom, a dad,  a caregiver, a social worker, a secretary, a miracle worker and a police officer all at the same time. 

There is no room to feel anything and sometimes this may come across as heartless or cold to our patients. But we were trained to be robots. It's as if you are not allowed to feel anything and if you do, you just have to bury it and move on. Nurses are patient advocates. But I ask, who will advocate for the nurses.

The culture of our hospital environment: -  when a staff member has an issue in one department, by lunchtime you can bet almost all departments are aware of it. We were trained to observe the golden rule of confidentiality, yet conveniently we forget.

I have NEVER seen or heard from or been told how to access the Employee Assistance Program. Even then, with the environmental culture who would want to? I remember when I first started realizing that something was wrong with me. I made an effort to meet with the matron at the San Fernando General Hospital, where I worked. Only to be interrogated by a senior member of her staff as to what I needed to talk to her about. 

If this is what we as nurses are met with when we are asking for help. Then we can only expect to see an increase in the number of suicides and suicide attempts among registered nurses and nursing students in Trinidad and Tobago.

I have worked with one nurse in particular who was one of the nicest people I have ever met. She always had a smile on her face and a pleasant personality. I was only a student nurse when I met her. Imagine my horror when two years later I heard she took her own life.

This is the sad reality faced by many professionals. But as an RN, I am crying out for help for myself and my colleagues. I have lost a lot due to depression and anxiety. Thank God that by his grace,  thoughts of suicide never crossed my mind. Not all are so lucky.

It seems as of late, the cries of everyone in Trinidad and Tobago are falling on deaf ears. May God help us all. And may God help all the nurses out there who are in desperate need of help. 

- Latoya

The story continues

I am just one person. I have no special powers. I am not rich. I am not like the others. I can't seem to find anyone else like me.

As long as I have known myself,  I have been struggling. I have been struggling and I have been praying.

I know there is a God. I know he can hear me. But sometimes it feels like he doesn't hear me.

Does that make sense? Does anything make sense? I picture my life like a movie. But every time I think the facade is over and I can start living something happens.

I don't think I have known true happiness. I have smiled and felt love. But I never had that true, genuine happiness.

I am on this ride called my life. I don't know when and where it will end. I just want to scenery to change. I won't mind a companion along the way.

But though I am sad, I remain hopeful. Hopeful that one day, the prayer I have been praying will be answered.

Until then, this broken heart patiently awaits.

The story continues.......

I wish people knew

I wish people knew how annoying it is to have to try and read their minds. Why don't we all just say what we really want to say. There would be less misunderstandings and senseless arguments .

I wish people knew that it doesn't matter if your dad is a millionaire and you were given many materialistic privileges. If you treat others horribly, you are one of the ugliest people in the world and no amount of plastic surgery and fake friends could help you.

I wish people knew that doing good deeds should be done because it comes from your heart, not so others can see you being nice. Because it wouldn't matter.

I wish people knew that it doesn't matter if you're fat, thin, tall, short, rich or poor, you are beautiful and important.

I wish that people would just focus on themselves and what makes them happy rather than psychoanalyzing everything someone else does.

I wish people knew when to shut up. Not everything requires your opinion. The world turned before you came here and it will continue turning long after you're gone. 

I wish people knew that people like me, we are the best. We love deeply. We feel things in ways others can't. We see inside the souls of others and we look past their faults. We don't trust easily but if you're lucky enough to gain our trust, you'd see the beauty that is ME.

I wish people knew......

You changed my life

Dear stranger,

I sit quietly and I observe you. I sit quietly and I take in the positive energy that exudes from you.

You inspire me without saying a word to me. Your existence makes me want to be better, a better Christian a better person. You motivate me to want better for myself and those around me.

I sit and I wonder how a perfect stranger can impact my life in such a way.

I go to bed happy and I wake up smiling. You inspire me just by being you.

Dear stranger, thank you.


Sometimes in life, we put down ourselves. We doubt our abilities and our talents. I will not be ashamed of my life experiences. Every tear shed, evey internal battle made me who I am today. Depression doesn't mean you are mad. Depression doesn't mean you can't live a fulfilled life. I refuse to feel guilty about the things that shaped the person I am today. I thank God for where he has brought me from. Be encouraged today. And remember whatever you are facing today. This too, shall pass.

God bless you. Until next time.

Latoya

L I F E

This morning I woke up with a joy that exuded from deep within my soul. Not that everything in my life is perfect. But I've had so much change in my life in a matter of months. Changes that make me want to be a better human being, a better Christian, just better.

Sometimes we question the path we are walking and the circumstances or choices that lead us here. I am a firm believer in the statement "Everything happens for a reason". If I wasn't diagnosed with MDD seven years ago, my life would have been so different. But I am grateful for the cards I have been dealt, it has allowed me to discover my self. I now realize that I was merely existing. I was going through a routine that was acceptable to today's society, yet I had no idea who I was or what I wanted.

Over the past seven years, I have met and interacted with people I never would have known if my life remained the way it was. Each one of those human interactions was necessary for me to be who I am today. I've discovered new talents. I know my likes and dislikes. For the first time, I can say I know who I am. 

I am beyond happy today. I am encouraged in my faith. I know my God and I will not be afraid. My relationship with God has flourished. I feel confident and comfortable with myself and with my walk with Christ. And I will always strive to improve that relationship daily. 

This morning was the funeral service of an elderly woman I knew from a church I used to go to. I think about her life and I wonder if she was content. Was she happy, did she do everything she wanted to do? I don't have the answer to those questions. But I do know that no one knows when they will die. Things happen suddenly sometimes that can turn our world upside down. 

When we conform to what is considered socially acceptable by our peers, our family or random inquisitive people, we slowly kill ourselves from the inside. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but I know who holds all my tomorrows. I will never give up. I will keep dreaming. I will continue advocating, I will help as best as I can. But most importantly, I will do the things that make me happy. Because life is short and precious. 

I will speak my truths. I will tell my family I love them. And at the risk of rejection, I will tell someone when I have unintentionally imprinted on them. I will learn, I will love, I will grow. 

Be encouraged today, enjoy the little moments. 

Pray more than you complain. Compliment more than you criticize. Encourage more than you discourage. And HAVE FAITH! 

I pray that God will turn situations in your favor and may you receive your heart's desires. Until next time remember that nothing you have been through will be wasted. God bless you.

- Latoya

What are you obsessed with ???

Some time last week I was reflecting on my life and a few  things came to mind. I was able to note that there were many "phases" I went through from childhood to now. Each phase at one time or the other was fixated on an object or a person.

I was very different from the other kids when I was a child, I never liked dolls or teddy bears. But I was very much fixated on the power rangers . Which seems innocent, but it was almost ritualistic to watch every episode and pretend to be the pink ranger.

As a teen, I was in puppy love with Justin Timberlake (Weren't we all). But it never stopped there, I kept shifting that "obsession" from celebrity to tv show to real life crushes. Which again seems normal for teenagers.

As an young adult I was still very much figuring out life and love. As a 21 yr old I made a lot of mistakes and I kept placing all of my energy and attention on someone I liked. Growing up in a Christian home, I knew what was expected of me, yet I never seemed to find time to read my bible or pray. But I was always available to chat on the phone or hang out at a friend's house.


Having had a few years of trials and tribulations, I have had sufficient time to mature and grow as a Christian woman. I had no choice but to grow up, I had no choice but to put God first because my life was falling apart around me.


So after reflecting on my life last week, one question remained in my spirit.... Latoya ,what are you obsessed with? Are we obsessed with money, our house or cars, our husbands/wives, boyfriends/girlfriends, our kids?

I heard my pastor say, the thing that keeps you away from God, is the same thing God will remove. Don't make excuses when it comes to God. Put God first in everything and he will protect and keep the things we love. We must not love these "things" more than we love our God.

Today I challenge you to look within yourself and ask...What am I obsessed with? If God isn't the first on your list, change it before it's too late. Many times we wonder why certain relationships or friendships did not work out. Maybe it was because we focused more on them, than on the things of God.

Let us learn from each other and live in humility, serving God and others. God bless you and thank you for reading. Please subscribe to my blog. Check out my Ebooks. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter. Until next time....

- Latoya.

Unforgiveness

 I was at church two Sundays ago. The service was great, but the pastor said something that made me look within myself. When we hold unforgiveness in our hearts it holds us back from blessings that God wants to give us.


For a long time I held unforgivenesss in my heart. I was mad at the people who bad mouthed me, I was mad at the pastor who insulted me at a church. I was hanging on to those hurt feelings and  I allowed that to grow into something that was so big I could not let go of it.

Forgiving someone who has hurt you is never easy, especially for me with all the emotions I go through. But I knew what I had to do. I knew that I could not enter 2018 with that darkness in my heart.

As fate would have it, the following week that same pastor who I had an issue with, came to my church to be a guest speaker. Honestly, I was upset at first but as I sat there trying to block her out, I got a great revelation. I realized in that moment what I had to do and I was given the strength to do it.

After the service ended, I  got up and went straight to that pastor and I said  " I have held on to a lot of  hate and unforgiveness toward you. I want you to know I am sorry and I just asked God to forgive me and I love you".

When I said those words and hugged the pastor in genuine love and peace. I felt like a ten thousand pound load was lifted off me. I came home and I called the names of the people I was holding grudges against and I asked God to forgive me and to help me so I never did that again.

Today, January 4th 2018. I have let go of all unforgiveness that was sitting in my heart and I have decided to forgive. Not necessarily because they deserve it, but because I deserve peace and I deserve to be happy.

When I held onto things it made me bitter and it kept me from fulfilling my destiny. I am happy to LET IT GO.

My hope for this new year is to love, to not take things personally and to forgive. Remember we must forgive so we can be free. Here's hoping for better days for us all. I would like to wish you all a very happy 2018. May God bless and prosper you this year and beyond.

Until next time.
- Latoya.