I can't believe you just said that !!!

I have been to a few churches and I have listened to sermons from various pastors. One thing that I have noticed is that they are human, just like us. And we are reminded of this fact if we LISTEN closely.

I am all for a good joke, but who determines if a joke is funny? In any social setting, it can become very uncomfortable when a joke is made at someone else's expense. Most people would take offense along with the subject of the punch line. This can happen while hanging out with friends or perhaps at work. But what do we do if or when you become someone's punch line at church?

I have mentioned before about the lack of confidentiality and privacy in our society today. As a Christian woman, I expected to find solitude at a church in knowing that what I say to these people in confidence would remain confidential.

I had one incident where a pastor stood up in church one Sunday morning and said that " Latoya left her job at the hospital to do dishes at home". Now mind you, this was in the middle of my darkest and most depressed days. That was a very sensitive time for me and I had confided in that woman about what was hurting me and she violated my trust. That left a deep scar for a long time, but I eventually forgave her.

The reason I mention this is because sometimes as Christians we feel so alone in our hurt. We can't tell non-Christians because of the misconception that our lives are perfect. We can't tell Christians because they'll assume you are sinning or some ridiculous nonsense.

I have seen first-hand people being insulted or having their personal business told from the pulpit by a pastor they trusted. Yes, we can tell a story to inspire someone else once the issue was resolved. But it is a basic human principle to get that person's permission before divulging their information.

That brings me to the jokes. As I've said I'm all for a good clean joke. But it's not funny when a pastor, leader or elder stands on a pulpit and make fat jokes about one man. It's not funny making jokes about the type of car a person drives or where they live.

Why would anyone, let alone a preacher think that is funny or okay to do? What purpose does this serve? When we embarrass others for a laugh, all we do is enjoy a moment of false superiority while making ourselves look really bad in the eyes of others.

Not to mention the erosion we are causing to that person's ego and self-esteem. We all hurt and the world is already such a cruel and ugly place. We should feel safe physically, spiritually and mentally at church. Then we wonder why people backslide.

I think many of our pastors and leaders need to self-evaluate. Check the manner in which you respond to us. Would you like someone talking to you that way? Remember, no one is a light unto himself, not even the sun.

Stay humble and keep it about God. We're trying to save souls not run people out of a church.

I pray that we as Christians will wake up and help our ministers when we see or hear them say something offensive to our brothers and sisters in Christ.

May God bless you and thank you so much for reading. Feel free to check out more of my experiences in my E-books. Like, share and Comment.

Until next time
BE KIND.
Latoya.

Who will advocate for the nurses?

I sat in the front passenger seat as I was being driven to my destination. I was looking out the car window at the people. Some in their cars, some in their yards, others waiting for transportation. One thing crossed my mind as I watched these people. I wanted to know their story. Why were they out today? What was their home life like? Were they happy? Did they have the money they needed to pay their bills? 

So many people walk around depressed and frustrated, carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders.  I know I did before I decided to ask for help. 

This brings an old saying to mind "you can't judge a book by its cover".

When law enforcement officers are involved in a shooting incident, they are offered emotional support in the form of a department therapist. As a registered nurse, we see people on some of the worst days of their lives. We see body parts missing, we see gunshot injuries, we deal with dead bodies, we see people who tried to take their own lives, we see it all yet we do not flinch. 

Some people may say we knew what we signed up for. Of course, I won't dispute that fact. But just like being on the front lines of a war. Nurses and doctors are on the front lines of our hospitals, but when the emergency is over and when the screaming stops. Who is there to offer us a listening ear? 

Nurses in Trinidad and Tobago, we have NO ONE!

I can't speak for other countries. But I can tell you, I have had many days where I felt like I didn't know myself anymore. We are trained to deal with the life-threatening situation. We throw all our emotions out the window. We have to be a mom, a dad,  a caregiver, a social worker, a secretary, a miracle worker and a police officer all at the same time. 

There is no room to feel anything and sometimes this may come across as heartless or cold to our patients. But we were trained to be robots. It's as if you are not allowed to feel anything and if you do, you just have to bury it and move on. Nurses are patient advocates. But I ask, who will advocate for the nurses.

The culture of our hospital environment: -  when a staff member has an issue in one department, by lunchtime you can bet almost all departments are aware of it. We were trained to observe the golden rule of confidentiality, yet conveniently we forget.

I have NEVER seen or heard from or been told how to access the Employee Assistance Program. Even then, with the environmental culture who would want to? I remember when I first started realizing that something was wrong with me. I made an effort to meet with the matron at the San Fernando General Hospital, where I worked. Only to be interrogated by a senior member of her staff as to what I needed to talk to her about. 

If this is what we as nurses are met with when we are asking for help. Then we can only expect to see an increase in the number of suicides and suicide attempts among registered nurses and nursing students in Trinidad and Tobago.

I have worked with one nurse in particular who was one of the nicest people I have ever met. She always had a smile on her face and a pleasant personality. I was only a student nurse when I met her. Imagine my horror when two years later I heard she took her own life.

This is the sad reality faced by many professionals. But as an RN, I am crying out for help for myself and my colleagues. I have lost a lot due to depression and anxiety. Thank God that by his grace,  thoughts of suicide never crossed my mind. Not all are so lucky.

It seems as of late, the cries of everyone in Trinidad and Tobago are falling on deaf ears. May God help us all. And may God help all the nurses out there who are in desperate need of help. 

- Latoya

The story continues

I am just one person. I have no special powers. I am not rich. I am not like the others. I can't seem to find anyone else like me.

As long as I have known myself,  I have been struggling. I have been struggling and I have been praying.

I know there is a God. I know he can hear me. But sometimes it feels like he doesn't hear me.

Does that make sense? Does anything make sense? I picture my life like a movie. But every time I think the facade is over and I can start living something happens.

I don't think I have known true happiness. I have smiled and felt love. But I never had that true, genuine happiness.

I am on this ride called my life. I don't know when and where it will end. I just want to scenery to change. I won't mind a companion along the way.

But though I am sad, I remain hopeful. Hopeful that one day, the prayer I have been praying will be answered.

Until then, this broken heart patiently awaits.

The story continues.......

I wish people knew

I wish people knew how annoying it is to have to try and read their minds. Why don't we all just say what we really want to say. There would be less misunderstandings and senseless arguments .

I wish people knew that it doesn't matter if your dad is a millionaire and you were given many materialistic privileges. If you treat others horribly, you are one of the ugliest people in the world and no amount of plastic surgery and fake friends could help you.

I wish people knew that doing good deeds should be done because it comes from your heart, not so others can see you being nice. Because it wouldn't matter.

I wish people knew that it doesn't matter if you're fat, thin, tall, short, rich or poor, you are beautiful and important.

I wish that people would just focus on themselves and what makes them happy rather than psychoanalyzing everything someone else does.

I wish people knew when to shut up. Not everything requires your opinion. The world turned before you came here and it will continue turning long after you're gone. 

I wish people knew that people like me, we are the best. We love deeply. We feel things in ways others can't. We see inside the souls of others and we look past their faults. We don't trust easily but if you're lucky enough to gain our trust, you'd see the beauty that is ME.

I wish people knew......

You changed my life

Dear stranger,

I sit quietly and I observe you. I sit quietly and I take in the positive energy that exudes from you.

You inspire me without saying a word to me. Your existence makes me want to be better, a better Christian a better person. You motivate me to want better for myself and those around me.

I sit and I wonder how a perfect stranger can impact my life in such a way.

I go to bed happy and I wake up smiling. You inspire me just by being you.

Dear stranger, thank you.


Sometimes in life, we put down ourselves. We doubt our abilities and our talents. I will not be ashamed of my life experiences. Every tear shed, evey internal battle made me who I am today. Depression doesn't mean you are mad. Depression doesn't mean you can't live a fulfilled life. I refuse to feel guilty about the things that shaped the person I am today. I thank God for where he has brought me from. Be encouraged today. And remember whatever you are facing today. This too, shall pass.

God bless you. Until next time.

Latoya

L I F E

This morning I woke up with a joy that exuded from deep within my soul. Not that everything in my life is perfect. But I've had so much change in my life in a matter of months. Changes that make me want to be a better human being, a better Christian, just better.

Sometimes we question the path we are walking and the circumstances or choices that lead us here. I am a firm believer in the statement "Everything happens for a reason". If I wasn't diagnosed with MDD seven years ago, my life would have been so different. But I am grateful for the cards I have been dealt, it has allowed me to discover my self. I now realize that I was merely existing. I was going through a routine that was acceptable to today's society, yet I had no idea who I was or what I wanted.

Over the past seven years, I have met and interacted with people I never would have known if my life remained the way it was. Each one of those human interactions was necessary for me to be who I am today. I've discovered new talents. I know my likes and dislikes. For the first time, I can say I know who I am. 

I am beyond happy today. I am encouraged in my faith. I know my God and I will not be afraid. My relationship with God has flourished. I feel confident and comfortable with myself and with my walk with Christ. And I will always strive to improve that relationship daily. 

This morning was the funeral service of an elderly woman I knew from a church I used to go to. I think about her life and I wonder if she was content. Was she happy, did she do everything she wanted to do? I don't have the answer to those questions. But I do know that no one knows when they will die. Things happen suddenly sometimes that can turn our world upside down. 

When we conform to what is considered socially acceptable by our peers, our family or random inquisitive people, we slowly kill ourselves from the inside. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but I know who holds all my tomorrows. I will never give up. I will keep dreaming. I will continue advocating, I will help as best as I can. But most importantly, I will do the things that make me happy. Because life is short and precious. 

I will speak my truths. I will tell my family I love them. And at the risk of rejection, I will tell someone when I have unintentionally imprinted on them. I will learn, I will love, I will grow. 

Be encouraged today, enjoy the little moments. 

Pray more than you complain. Compliment more than you criticize. Encourage more than you discourage. And HAVE FAITH! 

I pray that God will turn situations in your favor and may you receive your heart's desires. Until next time remember that nothing you have been through will be wasted. God bless you.

- Latoya

What are you obsessed with ???

Some time last week I was reflecting on my life and a few  things came to mind. I was able to note that there were many "phases" I went through from childhood to now. Each phase at one time or the other was fixated on an object or a person.

I was very different from the other kids when I was a child, I never liked dolls or teddy bears. But I was very much fixated on the power rangers . Which seems innocent, but it was almost ritualistic to watch every episode and pretend to be the pink ranger.

As a teen, I was in puppy love with Justin Timberlake (Weren't we all). But it never stopped there, I kept shifting that "obsession" from celebrity to tv show to real life crushes. Which again seems normal for teenagers.

As an young adult I was still very much figuring out life and love. As a 21 yr old I made a lot of mistakes and I kept placing all of my energy and attention on someone I liked. Growing up in a Christian home, I knew what was expected of me, yet I never seemed to find time to read my bible or pray. But I was always available to chat on the phone or hang out at a friend's house.


Having had a few years of trials and tribulations, I have had sufficient time to mature and grow as a Christian woman. I had no choice but to grow up, I had no choice but to put God first because my life was falling apart around me.


So after reflecting on my life last week, one question remained in my spirit.... Latoya ,what are you obsessed with? Are we obsessed with money, our house or cars, our husbands/wives, boyfriends/girlfriends, our kids?

I heard my pastor say, the thing that keeps you away from God, is the same thing God will remove. Don't make excuses when it comes to God. Put God first in everything and he will protect and keep the things we love. We must not love these "things" more than we love our God.

Today I challenge you to look within yourself and ask...What am I obsessed with? If God isn't the first on your list, change it before it's too late. Many times we wonder why certain relationships or friendships did not work out. Maybe it was because we focused more on them, than on the things of God.

Let us learn from each other and live in humility, serving God and others. God bless you and thank you for reading. Please subscribe to my blog. Check out my Ebooks. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter. Until next time....

- Latoya.